Mother
Recall
A
few years back, there was a recall of an election for the Governor of
California. I remember reading and watching the news about the recall going on
in that state. Personally, I don't understand the whys or wherefores of the
whole procedure but it did, however, get me to thinking; what if, as mothers, we
could be recalled by our children?
This past weekend, my position of
matriarch of my family was questioned, and I'm sure thoughts of recall filled my
children's minds. If it was brought to a vote as to whether they would recall me
as their mother, it would probably be as follows: 3 yes, 1 no, and 2 undecided.
Even if I reminded the two undecided voters of the times I stayed up all night
with them when they were sick, or mentioned the times I would go out and help
them find 20 different trees for 20 different leaves to be taken in for a school
project, I still wouldn't get the majority vote. The only positive aspect of
this whole idea of a recall is that my six children's lives are constantly
evolving and changing — so too is their attitude about me. A delay in the recall
vote could be beneficial to me at this time.
You see, I find it is part
of my mission as a mother to point out to my children — no matter what their age
or status in life, the consequences of their bad choices in life. It matters
little whether they have asked my advice — I give it willingly. I sometimes find
myself waiting longingly by the phone, hoping for a call from one of them,
begging for my words of wisdom. However, I usually find out their need for my
wisdom from other sources. I asked my daughter, the mother of three of my
grandchildren, why I'm usually the last one to know about things involving her
and her siblings. She said, "Mother, you always over-react." I cried out
emphatically, "No I don't!" Okay, so maybe I'm a little expressive in my
reactions! It isn't that I have great insight into the future; it is just that
I've been on this journey of life a long time, and I know what can happen from
mistakes and bad choices resulting in pain and sadness, and I just never want my
children to have to go through that if I can help it.
Looking back over
the years, the only chance I had of total acceptance without question was before
my children reached the age of reason. After that, I was looked upon and
referred to differently through the years.
When my children were little
they were like little ducklings following me and listening to my commands as
though I knew everything. I was called mommy and I loved it. No matter what I
did it was just wonderful in their eyes. During those years, I could have been
Mother of the Year every year.
Then
the children grew older and mommy became mom — the woman who cooks, cleans,
chauffeurs and does other mom things around the house. The children still spoke
to me but not in the endearing way of a little child. The next stage is the no
name stage. The children usually referred to me as "her" or just pointed me out
in a crowd from a distance when asked, which one is your mother? It was pretty
much a life of tolerance of each other's existence. Finally, the "mother" stage
of life — at which I'm looked upon as aged, confused and way too outspoken for
my own good. I'm called mother a lot by my children lately. I think they believe
that they are in a sort of a role reversal — as though I'm the child and they
are the parents.
I have come to the acceptance that I won't be nominated
Mother of the Year again this year. I really don't think I'll ever be in the
running. A recall vote is still possible, but I don't know of another woman who
would want this position — especially after I give her the whole job
description. My relationship with my children is not damaged. There will be
future moments again when my need to share my wisdom will once again overpower
me and one of my children will receive the benefit of this wisdom — probably not
by their choice. They are trying to learn to accept me as a woman who also is
their mother as I'm trying to learn to accept them as adults who are also my
children and no longer my little ducklings. It's a life learning process for
both sides.
As mothers I know there is such a strong desire to save our
children from making mistakes and bad choices in life. We want to spare them
from pain and sadness that we know could result from such decisions. When they
are little, it is easier to guide them but as they become young adults, such
guidance is not always asked or easily accepted. Our journey is not their
journey and the best we can do is to be there when they reach out to us to help
them walk their paths.
I have a mission in this life - I'm a mother!
Could my children recall me from this position? Possibly, but I have settled
into my destiny as the matriarch of this family, and I like it! Nope, I love it.
Susan Handle Terbay